Peggy Hill Can Suck It

Smart cows should be able to spell

I always had a feeling that writing about Peggy Hill only would bore the shit out of me. And it did. I think I stated from the beginning that I would bring up other incidents that reminded me of Peggy Hill, and there are many to be sure.

Seems like everyone is capable about bitching about something irrelevant these days, so why would I do it too! Not sure. 

That said, I am really sick of watching the Chich-fil-a cows misspell the word “more.” These cows have been smart enough to participate in, IF NOT arrange, some really incredible stunts! Parachuting, getting all the lights in a skyscraper to read their slogan, are the two that come to mind. This is some serious project mayhem type hi-jinx. And frankly I would think that any cow, even if it is just the leader cow, would have figured out by now that the word “more” has an e on the end of it. 

To be sure, some very intelligent people I have known over the years have not been the best spellers. But the word “more” is not a complicated word. If their slogan was “Eat Bounteous Chicken” and they misspelled Bounteous I might be able to go along with this marketing fable. But as of right now, who ever wrote this tagline and campaign is pulling a real Peggy Hill on the public.

I’ll be the first to call out that I force fit the Peggy Hill into that. But ultimately anything that annoys me is now going to be a real PH to me. 

I intend on continuing to eat cows, because apparently even when they are smart they are dumb.

Peggy is going to burn in hell if it exists and that's fine.

So last night, I had no intention of watching TV at all. But, I turned it on right before my bed time. Right before I kneel down beside my bed and say my prayers time to be exact. And what did I see? Peggy Hill posing as a nun so that she could teach her mangled spanlish to some eager learners at some posh school.

Turns out Hank had gotten her a job at Strickland Propane, but she dropped that gig - she sucked at it anyway - put on a nun costume, lied about helping out kids in some Central or South Amercian country and proceeded to go about lying to herself, the kids, Hank and the staff who hired her. She quit her job at Strickland, and didn’t even bother to give Hank 2 weeks notice!!! None of this is surprising to me. She is a selfish ego-maniac who believes the world revolves around her Brown Betty and her Spapeggy. (noodles and sauce.)

After a few days of faking her way through the Spanish class, she is asked to teach a class that actually deals with Christianity. Confronted with numerous questions about God by the little tykes, she proceeded to just make shit up. Even going as far as to tell one little girl that while she thinks she has heard that all dogs go to heaven, she is pretty sure that means cats do not. I am beginning to wonder if a book were written on her own childhood what deep secrets we might find out about her.

Called on her own crap bamboozlery (my word, use it if you want) she as usual tries to explain away all of her deceitful ways by making it seem like she is doing a good thing, when in fact, IN FACT, she is simply trying to make herself look like a winner again.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about it isn’t so much her chicanery, as it is how much she SUCKS at pulling her capers off. Who hasn’t lied about their qualifications here and there, who hasn’t tried to convince everyone they created an original food dish and named it un-cleverly after themselves, who hasn’t done foot fetish porn? we all have, in one way or another, but we don’t get caught doing it, and we don’t pretend we don’t know we are doing the foot fetish porn. Is she really that dumb, and if so is Bobby even really hers. Did she even birth him?

It reminded me of a time this model told us that she was an expert equestrian. the shoot required her to ride a horse. sit on a horse actually. she couldn’t even do that right. I doubt she had ever been on horse, even the kind you put a quarter in to ride outside of a Piggly Wiggly. The horse, sensing her discomfort with, well, horses practically through her into the ocean. And then the owner tried to discipline the horse!

I couldn’t tell you what actually happened, but I’m sure it all wrapped up nicely for her. And by that I mean, Hank - who I am starting to resent too - probably cleaned up her mess and kept her around for another week.

I turend it off before any of that played out, and knelt down next to my bed to pray for Hank and Bobby. That some day Peggy will be hit by a truck and they can move on with their lives.

Mission Statement for Peggy Hill Can Suck It.

I have long been a fan of the Fox animated sitcom King of the Hill. Having grown up in the great state of Texas has little, perhaps nothing, to do with it. The stories and predicaments Hank, Bobby, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer get themselves into weekly are well crafted and funny in a way not easily written. It is perhaps the most underestimated comedy on Television in my opinion.

I guess I never paid much attention to Peggy. She is integral to many plots to be sure, but recently she is all I can think about when I watch the show. And not in a good way. A hatred was born a few months ago that I can not seem to shake. Everything she does, says, concocts… her schemes, her debacles, her whole existence annoys the hell out of me.

She is ignorant, a liar, judgmental, holier than thou, and a host of other things that this blog is going to serve to point out. And I suppose ultimately she may serve as the gold standard for all that is wrong with people. So maybe I’ll comment on other folks and refer to them as a real Peggy Hill. Not sure yet. Here’s all I know…

Last night, I watched the episode where she gets upset with Hank for having a dream about Nancy. Grilling naked with Nancy to be exact. It is not the fact that she is upset about this that irked me into doing this blog. It’s the little things she does afterwords. And frankly she betrayed Hank when she revealed his dream inaccurately to Nancy in the hot tub in the first place. So insecure she has to brag about the dream to Nancy to try and make herself feel better. What a cow.

This is only the tip of the ice berg. The list of her actions that irritate me is long: screwing Hank over to win 3rd substitute teacher of the year, pretending to know Spanish, going to the Genius conference and not realizing it was a scam even when that stuttering idiot from the racetrack was there… I mean come on!

I can only hope that by writing this stuff down that my obsession with destroying a non-existent character fades.

I guess we will find out.